I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......




When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.



After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."



"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."



But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.



The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.



So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.



It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.



But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."



And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.



But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

My two boys are so special to me. I am blessed that God thought I deserved to have them. I am grateful.
Lisa

Merry Christmas

Here is our Family picture we have just gotten back. I think it turned out pretty well. Our photographer is such a wonderful person. I am glad that I have had the opportunity to know Brooke Kaczor.  We want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and God bless each and everyone of you. Please remember why we celebrate Christmas. Jesus was born on this day and he gave himself so that we may live. Never forget the reason for the season of Christmas.... The ultimate gift that Jesus gave to each and everyone of us!!!!!!!We went to the Lied and Learning Technology Center in Omaha Nebraska. It was there annual Christmas Party for the deaf. The kids had their faces painted. They decorated sugar cookies and made snow flakes. They had their picture taken with Santa and Mrs. Clause. Diezel loved seeing Santa. It was awesome to see Santa sign to all the children. He gave them each a stuffed lion. We all enjoyed ourselves. I think this picture turned out pretty good.

On a lighter note

I thought just for fun I would share my family at Halloween. I love Halloween. I go all out. I did my husband and all my kids. We are Little Red Riding Hood and The Big Bad Werewolf. We won first at the Halloween Contest. It is the one time of the year you can be anybody.

This is Douglas. It is hard to see but he has a hand coming thru his forehead. As though someone put their hand thru his forehead then ripped his head clean off. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!

Douglas is a hard worker. He puts his all into everything he does. He is a typical teen, mouthy. He is a good kid though. He gets good grades and doesn't get into trouble. I am very proud of him.

Devin is a Disco Dude. That is what he called himself. It worked for me. Devin is a mother hen. He tries to parent all the kids. He is a neat freak. Everything has to be in order or life may crumble. In some ways that isn't a bad trait. Devin is a klutz like his mom. If there is a hole in front of it, i am sure one of us will trip.

Dawson was Scooby Dooby Doooo. He is our shy and quiet child. He is so adorable. He would do anything for you. He is a lover. When he does get upset about something his cry will pull at your heart strings. It's so quiet and sad you have to hold strong..Because what you really want to do is wrap your arms around him and let him get away with everything.

Morgan Danielle is Dracula. She is our tomboy. She isn't into girly stuff. Locust shells is what she collects all summer. Frogs you'll find in every container. Morgan Danielle and Dawson are total opposites yet they are glued at the hips.

Decemberlyn is a Butterfly girl. If you can believe it that is all her hair. I used lots of hairspray,teased it, and sprayed it with color. She is my girly girl. She is a Drama Queen. I think she can shed a tear at the drop of a hat. It's hard to admit but she is me when I was little.

Destiny was our adorable clown. It took me FOREVER to tease up her hair and get it to look like a clown wig but I think I got close. She is half and half. She is girly and a tomboy. She loves Tinkerbell and any type of princess yet she loves frogs, any type of bug and would live outside if you let her. She is our Destiny because I was told I would have no more children. After I had surgery for my sinuses, I went home and got really sick. I went to the hospital and after taking blood they came back saying that I was pregnant. She was Destined to be here. God was taking care of her while I had all those drugs in my system. She is healthy.

Diezel is our spider. I wasn't going to put makeup on him or hair color but he insisted. If his brothers and sisters get it he wants it to. Diezel brings up the rear. He is the last. There will be no more babies for me. I think Seven is plenty. I am sure anyone would agree with me. Diezel is a go getter. If he wants something he will work at it till he figures it out. He is bull headed just like his father. He is a lover like his mother and he is smart like his oldest brother.

This is my whole crew. I am so lucky to have them. Each one of them has a different personality. I wouldn't want it any other way. I can't wait till next year. The possibilities are limitless............

                                                                                                                           

A good movie

This movie is an older one but it is so worth watching. I had some friends over and they had said before that they could not imagine what it was like to have found out your child was deaf. When Douglas was born and I found out that he was deaf, I had no idea that he would ever hear as well as he does.

Anyways, we watched this movie and my friends experienced what I felt. When the mother on here realizes that she is sure that her son can't hear it goes silent around her. They did a good job in this movie of showing or making you feel how it would feel to discover your child is deaf. It's a wonderful movie.

It also shows a father trying to fulfill his life long dreams and maintain his family. It shows his struggle to relate to his deaf son. I recommend anyone to watch this.

Nucleus 5

                                                                      This is Diezel with his sister Decemberlyn. This was taken last night after we got back from Omaha, Nebraska. He is showing off his new nucleus fives.

I’m Giving Diezel a piece of chocolate from Halloween so that he will stay still long enough to get a side view of his new processor. It has plastic covers that you can put on. Right now he has blue with soccer balls on them.

This implant comes with a remote that does so many things. I think the feature I like best so far is that you can put the head piece on the back of the remote and it will tell you if it is working or what is wrong. It also will have you make noises and it will tell you if the microphone is working right. I also like that I can turn it on off or on without messing with it behind his ear. The battery part locks. No more of Diezel pulling all the pieces apart and I spending forever finding them all. They all lock together. I also like the hook that helps hold it on. It is like eyeglass material. You heat it up to shape it. It really stays well to his head. I am using toupee tape still just for extra measures. Oh, I also like that the wire is separate from the head piece. The battery goes in thru the middle instead of the bottom. You don't replace a filter across the whole processor instead it is to little round ones that go over the microphone. It seems the company took all the suggestions and ideas from people who have implants and put it all together to make a wonderful device. It is soooo kid proof which makes it nice for mothers who stress out about trying to find where their child has placed every part that they dismantled. I spent two hours in my yard looking. I have gone thru all of the garbage before. I have been on my hands and knees looking for a piece of the implant at Wal-Mart. I have to open the door to the Tahoe slowly just in case a piece is going to fall out. It is so nice that this new device locks and the head piece is very hard to pull apart. I am excited....

DADS

This is my DAD, Verdel. He is a wonderful man. When I was little I thought that all men were evil. I thought God didn't know I existed. My childhood included a very sick man (my birth father). I am grateful that he created me but that would be it. God knew me. He watched over me. He couldn't control my birth father. He did give us free will. However God could watch over me and let me see the blessing that I have received. My mom finally got out of that horrible situation with her first husband. She used food to comfort her pain. She started meeting friends and they introduced her to O.A. (over eaters anonymous). This is were she met my dad. We lived in V.A. They dated for over two years. My two brothers and I were not so nice to him. I think in our minds that if our birth father could be the way he was with us, all men have to be this way. Verdel stuck it out. He was tough. I am not saying he never was hurt by us children but he was patient and never left us. They married and not long after my dad retired from the navy. My mom and dad decided we all needed a fresh start so my dad moved us to his childhood home, Nebraska. It was different, small, and it was slower paced. At the time it was scary and I was broken. God knew I needed Nebraska. I came out of my shell and started healing. It has taken over 21 years but I think I am almost there. I think most of my wounds are healed. My DAD is a wonderful man. He stuck by and loved me unconditionally till I was ready to except him. He never had any biological children but instead got three broken kids from his marriage. He excepted us as though we were his and he never looked back. I was sixteen before I started to let him in but by the time I was eighteen I truly felt blessed to have such a wonderful DAD and let him know so. When I had my first child, my dad was in the delivery room with me. I felt he deserved to have the experience of child birth. He may not have created us but he made us. I wanted him to see life from the beginning. A child undamaged, a child free to love unconditionally. I am glad he was in the delivery room with me. I was a scared little girl and he kept me calm. To this day Douglas and My DAD have a special bond. He is a caring grandpa. Teaching them all how to build things, how to work on cars, and most of all he is teaching them to love unconditionally. I am blessed. I am grateful that he loves me....

Surgery is over

Diezel did well. He was in pain for the first day and night then he bounced back to his normal self. He gets hooked up this Wednesday. I am excited. The first implant he received was the nucleus freedom. You can feel it on his head. It protrudes a little. This new one even with a little swelling you can not feel it at all. He received the nucleus 5. I like that it is not noticeable from site or touch. Well I hope he does well at his hook up.

Nervous

Diezel goes Monday to get his second cochlear implant. I am nervous. You would think after three implants. Douglas with two and Diezel with his first, I would be immune to this. It scars me. Surgery is still surgery. I am sure he will do fine. I know God will protect him and stay beside Dr. Lusk. while he is operating on my son. Hopefully neither of my boys or for that matter any of my children ever have to have any more surgeries.

Douglas sets up website

This is Douglas with his Great Grandpa Toad (Owen). What characters!!!Douglas created a website. I think anyone would enjoy it. Take a look..

http://ops.esu8.org/~douglassidak/Douglas_Sidak_Sign_Language/Welcome.html

A first

Diezel and I went to Virginia. My best friend got married. She looked beautiful. It was Diezel's first airplane ride overall he did well.
Diezel is getting his second implant on Oct. 26th. I hope all goes well.
It is getting cold here already. I am not ready for seven kids stuck inside. It is nice when things get hectic to say "OUTSIDE EVERYONE" go play....
I don't really have much to say. Just wanted to update.

This is my mom, Joyce Lynne Myers. She has been through a lot in her life. I appreciate everything she has done for me. When I found out Douglas was deaf, my mom was there. She helped me through a very hard time. Not only did she stand beside me but she waited for me to grow up. I was young and immature. I didn't handle the situation the best that I could have. I am grateful my mom stood beside me. Now that I am older I must say that I have handled Diezel being deaf with maturity and insight on the situation. I have had ups and downs. I have been angry and hurt. I have felt a wide range of emotions but instead of taking out these feelings on family and friends, I have gratefully accepted their help to walk beside me in this time of need. I am grateful for everyone who is willing to share in mine and my families lives. My mom being the one in the front of the line... Thank you mom...

I love you!

Diezel and I are posing at the lake. WE are signing "I love you" to dad. I think it's cute that he is trying to get his fingers right. It won't be long and he'll have it down pat. I want to slow the clock down just a little. Diezel being my last baby, it's hard to let him become more and more independent. I now know why the "baby" of the family is the baby. Yes, it isn't fair but they do get more of you. They have come to you when you have experienced more of life and have a better grasp of  who you are and who you want to be. Your less selfish. You have realized that they are the most valuable thing you own. The youngest also gets more of your attention because by now you have come to realize that it goes by to fast and you can't get it back. So, now I know why I always hounded my mom about how she treated my youngest brother differently than us...It's just the order of things and I am sure until my children have their last child they will not get it and I will hear how Diezel gets more of me......

a full mind

This is a picture of where we like to go camping. My husband captured this. It"s the world when it is winding down right before dark, your last chance to view it's beauty before it is engulfed by night.

We tent it, if you can believe that. All nine of us in two big tents and I wouldn't want it any other way. We swim, hike, ride bikes, take walks beside the lake, grill, sit around a camp fire, and roast marshmallows.

Once the kids are in bed, my husband and I sit around the fire, snuggle into each other and just drift into our thoughts before we to head into the tent to sleep.

Which to drift into my thoughts would be like getting onto the freeway with loops, turns, and twist. My mind keeps going to questions of my life decisions. I sometimes wonder if Life would have been easier for my husband, my children and I if I would have went to college. So I could have helped in the burden of money. I wonder If my time I invest in my children and my husband is making an impact, enough that it has been worth tight times. I love being with my kids, my husband and taking care of my family. I know that my boys wouldn't get as good of care at a daycare than they do with me. It would be hard to juggle speech therapy, early childhood teacher, deaf educator, Doctors appointments, plus five other children that need my attention. I know that if I worked I would be often to tired to be a devoting wife but still it crosses my mind some days that my husband carries a heavy burden supporting us. Tonight It has once again crossed my mind and as I put the kids to bed and started cleaning up the kitchen I happened to look up to a frame with a reading in it from Roy Lessin. I often forget it is there. Going by it dozens of times to busy to look up but tonight I did and I needed to. I thought I would share it with you.

CONTINUE ON

A woman once fretted over the usefulness of her life. She feared she was wasting here potential being a devoted wife and mother. She wondered if the time and energy she invested in her husband and children would make a difference.

At times she got discouraged because so much of what she did seemed to go unnoticed and unappreciated. "Is it worth it?" she often wondered. "Is there something better that I could be doing with my time?"

It was during these moments of questioning that she heard the still small voice of her heavenly Father speak to her heart. " You are a wife and mother because that is what I have called you to be. Much of what you do is hidden from the public eye. But I notice. Most of what you give is done without remunerations. But I am your reward.

Your husband cannot be the man I have called him to be without your support. Your influence upon him is greater than you think and more powerful than you will ever know. I bless him through your service and honor him through your love. Your children are precious to Me. Even more precious than they are to you. I have entrusted them to your care to raise for Me. What you invest in them is an offering to Me.

You may never be in the public spotlight. But your obedience shines as a bright light before Me. Continue on. Remember you are My servant. Do all to please me.

I read this and I know God has called me to be a wife and mother. I need not worry about finances or any other worries. God will walk us through it all. God would not have given me two very special gifts, "our two boys who are deaf" if he didn't think I would cherish them and do right by them. He would not have given me five more children to rear, love, and take care of. I need to remember when I look back at life that I am exactly where God wants me to be.....

Diezel's summer

When you say "kissy kissy" Diezel will pucker up. I think it is so cute. Our summer has gone by so fast but it has gone by without an accident, in our family that is a miracle.

Diezel signs frog, please, more, uncle, thank you, kitty, puppy, eat, drink, candy, gum, want, but his favorite is no,no,no... He is trying out words with his voice. He says mom, dad, Douglas(Douglish), no(mo), don't, kitty, a few other words but can't think of them.

Diezel is due a follow up at Boystown National Research Hospital in Omaha Nebraska. I am curious to see how he does now that he is a little older. It seems like just yesterday he was a baby cradled in my arms. I can't believe he is nineteen months.

I am proud that my Diezel is learning to sign and speak. He comes from hearing parents so I want him use his voice. He was born deaf and that is apart of him as well. When the cochlear implant comes off he is still deaf so I want him to sign as well, the best of both worlds, why not?

Who would have ever guessed

We celebrated my husband's 40th birthday last night. There was karaoke. Here is a picture of my husband and our son singing together. When I learned that Douglas was deaf I would have never guessed that the day would come that he would sing karaoke...What a blessing....

Update

Summer is here. Douglas is out helping Grandma with her garden. He has joined the swim team. He has taken first every time so far. I am so impressed with my son. He has made sure that everyone knows his needs. He has his coach signal when the whistle is blown. He entered a speech contest for deaf and hard of hearing. He didn't win but I think he did well for his first time. His poem was featured in Boystown National Research Hospital's Newsletter. He is going to two deaf camps this summer. His summer is full and he wants to Hay for a friend as well. What he has done in all of sixteen years. He is going to be an amazing man someday. I am sure I am prejudice. He is my son after all.

new information

When I was deciding which way to go for Douglas with his language (sign,oral or total communication), I told his deaf educator that I wanted him to have speech therapy and I wanted him to learn to sign. I wanted Douglas to be given every opportunity as a deaf person and to be allowed every opportunity as if he was a hearing person. She told me this was total communication. Until a reader of my blog posted a comment about Sim-com, I had never heard of it. So I looked it up. My children can speak if they wish or sign if they wish or do both at the same time if they wish. As there parent until they are old enough to make their own decision I am going to do everything in my power to make sure they get the best of both. When my boys leave my home they will have enough knowledge to be what they choose. If they choose to be deaf and only sign, they will know how. If my boys decide to only speak and not use sign, they will know how. If my boys decide they want to speak and sign or speak or sign, they will know how. I want them to feel they can choose anything they want and know it is okay. I will be proud of them no matter what language they decide to choose. Douglas knows some see 2 signs and some ASL signs. He usually doesn't sign every single word but it is usually in English order..

Independent

I can't believe it but on April 25th 2009 my 15 month old's cochlear implant fell from his head and he grabbed it and put it back on. He is reaching such mile stones. How awesome is it that he knows it has to be on his head to hear sound...

MY BABY GOT HIS FIRST HAIRCUT!

Diezel Sat in the chair all by himself. He didn't bounce around whild Mindy cut and clipped his hair. Now he looks like a little gentleman. It seems like he is doing everything so fast. I suppose it's because he is our very last baby. I want to savior every single second, every single moment, and every single thing he does. The baby i know will be gone in a blink.

Dog bite

Diezel got bit by a small dog. We went and visited an older couple who have an old dog. Diezel was on the floor crawling to dad when the dog came around the chair and bit him. It got the corner of his eye. It was very scary. We had to drive to Omaha and he had a stint put into his tear duct. He also recieved eight stitches. We were very lucky that the dog didn't damage his eye. He is healing very well. The doctor did an awesome job.

Making a decision that is life long

We have been waiting on Diezel's ear infection to clear up to proceed with his second cochlear implant. We live 200 miles away from his doctor so we haven't been back yet to go forward. He wears a hearing aide and I now he is hearing with it. I didn't realize his head piece was off and I called for him and he looked at me. So all day I was testing him. I would clap my hands and he would look to see what I was doing. I would make noises and he would look at me. When we had him in the sound proof room he turned to sound without it (yes it was louder sounds) but with his hearing aide on he turned to some softer sounds. They said it wasn't alot so he was still a canidate for a second one. I know that he wasn't hearing at his best when they tested him because he had an ear infection when they tested him. He had fluid behind his ear.
What if I decide to take away his hearing and it was enough with the use of a hearing aide. It is hard to make decisions for your child when whatever you decide will affect their lives either way I choose.

Diezel was born 1-22-2008. On the third day of his being on earth we were told that he was deaf. I think I was in shock because while I was pregnant I told my doctor that I thought maybe he was going to be deaf. During the day he slept in my belly, through six kids being loud and noisy but at night when all was quit and I went to sleep he would move around like no ones business. My doctor told me to stop worrying. I do worry about EVERY little thing. So I listened to him. I talked myself into believing I was being ridiculous. If we were going to have another deaf child we would have already with the last six. So when my doctor came in with the news that our baby boy was deaf it was hard. I hadn't allowed myself to be prepared. I like to ALWAYS be prepared for EVERYTHING...and as we know that will NEVER happen. I had been through this before, I knew I could do it. I knew I was better prepared. I went home with my beautiful son and gave myself a few days before I told everyone. I didn't want all the advice and "oh it will be fine" speeches. I wasn't ready to let go of what he would never have. I'd say that lasted about a week. I was taking a shower and talking to God as I often do and a peace came over me. I knew then it was okay, everything would be okay. I got dressed and came out and told my husband he could tell our family and friends. I wouldn't trade him for nothing..I chose to believe that God thought I was worthy of such a precious gift not once but twice...Diezel was fitted with hearing aids at two months old. He didn't get a lot of use out of them. At first it was okay because he was to little to mess with them but by six months he would pull them out and I would put them in. We would do this allll day. I don't think he heard a whole lot with them. We knew right away we wanted him implanted. We looked at all three choices of cochlear implants and decided on Nucleus Freedom. It was a very smart choice in our opinion. He was implanted on December 15 and hooked up December 31st. We didn't notice any difference at first. NOTHING..We came back in two weeks and they remapped him. We could tell a little bit of difference but not much. Then in two weeks we put him in the booth and he actually would turn to the little toys that turned on and lit up when he heard a sound. He was hearing the high pitches but not the low ones. So they remapped it and WOW what a difference. Our cochlear implant team has told us they are amazed by Diezel that they haven't seen these kind of results only being hooked up for two months. They said he is doing awesome. We would agree now that he is mapped right, he hears, it is obvious. You could tell he was hearing sound but he had no idea where it was coming from. Now he knows his name when called. He is saying dadda, making the sound of a sheep, BABA. He still is having a hard time localizing where the sound is coming from. Oh he knows that someone is talking from a phone because my husband is a trucker, I am on the phone with him allll the time so he puts the phone to his ear and says dadda every single time..I am so pleased. I like the Nucleus Freedom. I like that the batteries go inside of the device. They stay charged forever. The device that goes behind the ear isn't to big. I like the body worn. We use the clip that attaches to the device and clip it to the side of his shirt and run the wire up to his magnet. I have been blessed that our son as done so well. We have an awesome team working with him, that helps. He is getting speech from the school speech therapist twice a week for thirty minutes each time. He gets speech from the hospital twice a week for thirty minutes each time and the deaf educator comes out twice a week. We are so lucky. I won't take this for granted, Diezel is getting bombarded with language from excellent resources including us and his siblings. It is definately easier when you have gone through this once before so you know what outlets there is out there for you. We still have chosen total communication as we did with our oldest. Just because they can hear doesn't mean that they are not still deaf. You take the cochlear implant off and my children are deaf...

A little history

Douglas was Born 2-15-1993. I didn't discover he was deaf till July 4th. Back then they didn't do a screening for hearing in the hospital. When we thought he was deaf we went to our family doctor. When he opened the door to the room Douglas looked towards the door. He said, "oh he can hear, he heard the door open." FYI, most deaf people have excellent perifial vision. Well he told us that even if he has a hearing problem he would be fine till he was a year old then have him tested. My mom didn't except that answer and she called e.n.t specialist till she found one that would see him without a re feral. They tested him and told us they were sure he was profoundly deaf but they would like to refer us to Boystown National Research Hospital in Omaha Nebraska. Once there we discovered he heard at very high decibels in the low frequencies and pretty much nothing in the high ones. They fitted him with hearing aids and went with total communication. We made sure to have him wear them always. People would ask how we got him to keep them in. Persistence is what we would say. He did better than everyone expected but by six we realized that his hearing was very limited. We looked into a cochlear implant and he was excepted as a candidate. I knew nothing about them and as a young mom just went with whatever was offered. Woulda, shoulda, coulda gets you no where and I can't go back. When he was hooked up he didn't cry or get upset he wanted his hearing aid in but we told him to leave this on for now. Being six it was nice that he could communicate by sign and some voice to let us know he was hearing. A straw pulling through the plastic lid from McDonald's was so fascinating to him. Everything he heard he would stop and ask "did we hear that? What is that?" When he was implanted they only had the body worn. He had a fanny pack he keep the device in and the wire ran up under his shirt and through at the neck to connect to his magnet. They were working on the behind the ear and we received a voucher to get one once they were out. He has done well with them. I say "them" because he was implanted with his second about seven months ago. Advanced Bionics' batteries are not as they should be. They are suppose to hold a charge for up to fourteen hours. They last about four hours so he has to keep at least four batteries on him or he goes deaf. Also the prongs that connect to the device break easy. Other than the batteries everything has been well. He talks almost perfect. He signs just as well and I love that about him. He has had his ups and downs but for the most part, I think he is a well rounded, typical teenager.

The SIDAK's
From the top then Left to right....David, Dawson 9, Morgan Danielle 9, Devin 13, Douglas 16, Diezel 1, Lisa, Decemberlyn 7 and Destiny 3

A poem from Douglas..

My son wrote this for his english class and I thought it was something I should share with others. I think this about sums it up for a deaf child....HOW SPECIAL!!!!!

Born on February fifteenth of nineteen ninety-three, I was born into a world of silence. To see the faces around me made me happy but to not hear the words from their mouths made me sad. My world changed as I was implanted with a cochlear implant….
A day of sound…
I am from December of 1999.
From a deaf baby to a hearing boy
From beautiful faces to beautiful voices
From only knowing silence to a world of noises

I am from hard work and perseverance.
From deaf educators, speech therapy and reading lips
From the use of sign language and using my voice
From signing my first word to learning to say my first word

I am from God.
I am from family made from God, He who knew they needed me and I them
From trust, faith and security
From a Family who stands strong beside me to God who lives within me

I am from never giving up.
From deafness, the hurt from surgery, and recovery
From hearing each sound, every noise and learning it’s source
From realizing my mistakes and trying over again and again then getting it right

I am from misunderstandings
From deaf to hearing, it’s hard to see that words deceive me
From words I hear, no meaning till I can see them and still achieving
From knowing this and still willing to try

I am from coping.
From making it work, figuring it out, and still moving on
From heartbreak, heartache, and still loving
From sadness and emotion and yet I let go
From frustration and confusion and yet I succeed

I am from a deaf culture and a hearing world.
From those who sign and those who speak each different
From unspoken words and words spoken out loud
From deaf understanding and fighting to make a hearing world understand

I am from a cochlear implant.
From deafness, hearing sounds and noises a plenty
From words, sentences, paragraphs, and complete stories
From my world and yours
From understanding that I have a voice and a cochlear implant to hear it

My boys

My boys are Douglas, who is 16 and Diezel who is 1. They are both implanted. Douglas is implanted on both sides and Diezel only has one. We are trying to get an ear infection to clear up so we can proceed with his second side.

Diezel was in the cylonder checking his balance. Douglas went in with him for this test. They had stopped for a moment and I think Diezel was saying "ENOUGH"...